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“Justin, you lazy turd! Get out here. We’re going in five minutes.”
Justin’s eyelids struggled open. His sleep had been so peaceful. So warm.
“Where are we going?” Justin mumbled at his significant other.
“Out. I’m hungry. And I feel the urge to parade my boyfriend around.”
Justin sighed. He stuffed his face into the pillow and tried to inhale. He wasn’t ready to go anywhere. Nonetheless, he couldn’t refuse her. Bad things happened to him when he refused her.
“I feel starchy, Sarah. Give me a few more minutes to wake up.”
“Why do I even put up with you?” Sarah stomped out of the bedroom, shouting. “You’re so lazy!”
“Is my laziness endearing?” Justin rolled out of bed reluctantly and put on a bathrobe. “I need a shower. I’ll be out in a bit.”
“You’d better be!”
***
Hugo walked into the grimy apartment kitchen. He kicked the clothes on the floor onto a different part of the floor. Removing a banana-skin from the knife-stand, he pulled a knife out.
An aggravated man in a white suit picked up the banana peel and placed it delicately into the bin. He scowled, and glanced at Hugo in disgust.
“Tell me, Hugo. For what do you need that… knife??”
“It’s part of the look.” Hugo grinned. “Got to look the part.”
The white suited man picked up a photo from the kitchen bench. He looked at it scornfully, then shoved it into Hugo’s hand. “Is this yours?”
“Ah. Yes.” Hugo put the photo in his pocket. “It is.”
***
Justin watched vacantly, as a small boy started to cry. The boy’s mother scurried nervously towards him, embracing her child warmly.
“It’s alright, we’ll… we’ll buy the licorice.”
Justin trailed behind Sarah. The supermarket’s bright lights irritated his un-caffeinated eyes, and made his head spin. He’d been having a nice dream before he’d been awoken.
He took his hand out of his pocket and checked his watch. Sarah turned around.
“Isn’t that awful?”
“Isn’t what—”
“That woman. She just gave in. She should have hit her child for crying in public.”
“Mm. Awful.” Justin picked at the remains of a piece of popcorn, which had remained in his teeth from the night before. Sarah continued.
“I mean… how can she expect her child to behave if she keeps giving it what it wants? Are you listening, Justin? Are you here with me? In this world?”
“Yeah. Awful. Can we go now?”
***
Hugo pulled his black hood up as he sauntered down the semi-suburban street. He kicked a rusty can, which rolled onto the road. He smiled cheerfully, scraping his knife against a brick wall as he passed.
He pulled the photo from his pocket, and passed his bony finger over the embossed text at the bottom. It said ‘Justin Neoptolemus’
Hugo quickened his pace.
***
“Can you even afford all those doughnuts? How does it fit into the budget?”
“Bugger the budget, Justin. If I can’t afford to have a doughnut when I want to, the budget has failed. I don’t care what you say about it.”
“Is this why you keep running out of money for rent at the end of the fortnight? Is this why I have to keep covering your half?”
Sarah strutted defiantly away. “You earn much more than I do. It’s only fair that you pay more rent. What’s more, I take care of you.”
Justin followed in a huff. There was no point in continuing the conversation. He’d been down that path many times. Sarah would never give in to reason. The couple turned a corner, onto a busy road.
Sometimes, Justin wished he could leave Sarah. But he could never do that. What would he do next? He’d have to reorganize his life. Everything would change. More than anything, Justin feared change.
When he really thought about it, he viewed life as something that happened to him, around him. As though he was a spectator, not a player.
“I mean really, Justin. When was the last time you cooked dinner for us?”
Justin had cooked the night before. He stayed silent. He waited for Sarah to forget what she was crusading against. Perhaps the conversation would become more friendly then. The traffic flew past, causing Justin to sway with the passing of each car. Justin spoke.
“I…”
Sarah turned, and pushed Justin. “Shut up. You-”
The world slowed down as Justin lost balance.
He stepped backwards to catch himself, and felt the moss-covered curb scrape his foot as he slipped. A car passed underneath him. Justin felt the radio antenna bounce off his head. Time froze. Justin fell onto the road.
Behind the frozen Sarah stood a tall figure. He was wearing a black hood, and holding a large carving knife.
“What… What in the world…” Justin stood up and brushed his legs. He stepped back onto the pavement.
“It didn’t miss,” the dark figure stated, “you probably need to know. I’m here to collect you.”
“What didn’t miss?” Justin felt thinner somehow.
“1993 Toyota Hilux. White. Currently about 10 metres down the road. You felt it pass beneath you, but your body hit the front bumper, and rolled under the wheels.”
Justin looked at the still scene. A flourish of steam and dust hung frozen in the air behind the braking rear wheels of a ute. Justin’s beaten up body was lying on the road.
Justin stared at the hooded figure for a few seconds, then raised an eyebrow.
“Bullshit. What’s really going on here?”
“You’re dead. Your ethereal body has been detached from your corporeal body. You got your soul knocked clean out of you.” Hugo pulled back his black hood. “That’s why you’re all purple and glowy.”
Justin looked down at his hands. Hugo was right. He was transparent.
“Oh my God.” Justin turned to Sarah. Her arm was still stretched out, and her face was filled with panic. “So I’m… dead.”
“Yep.”
“Killed by my girlfriend.”
“Mm.”
Justin stood dazed for a few seconds.
Hugo coughed artificially. “So this is the part where you come with me to the nearest dispatch zone, and I send you lovingly on your way to the Otherworld.” He smiled at Justin enthusiastically.
Justin’s blank stare turned to anger. “I’m not going anywhere. I can probably just go jump back into my body and everything will be fine again.”
“That’s possible. I’d just have to make time go forwards again.” Hugo crouched, and sharpened his knife casually on the curb. “Although zombification is an unpleasant phenomenon.”
“Zombifi- Oh.” Justin sat on the pavement, head in hands. “I don’t even know why I want to go back. It’s not like I was happy. I mean hey, my girlfriend just pushed me into a moving car.”
Hugo looked up from his knife-sharpening. “I don’t think she meant to.”
“Why do you say that?” Justin was trying very hard to stop his voice from trembling.
“I believe that’s a tear in her eye.”
Justin stood, and looked at Sarah’s panicked face. It wasn’t the panic of a girl who had just lost her accountant, or her financial advisor.
“I think she actually needs me.”
Hugo stood solemnly. He put his hand comfortingly on Justin’s shoulder.
“Bugger of a time to realize that, Justin.”
Surely, Justin thought, there must be a way out of this. There must be a way back. He’d do it differently this time. He’d put more effort into his life this time.
“Hugo. Is there a way for me to come back?”
“Besides zombification?
“I was thinking more along the lines of ‘challenge Death to a game of chess’ or something.”
Hugo appeared to think for a couple of seconds.
“Normally,” he began, “this bargaining stage doesn’t go so well. It just so happens that this time there is an opening.”
Justin’s eyes lit up. “I’m listening.”
“Walk and talk, buddy. Walk and talk.”
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