Downloads / Non-Fiction / Pomes

I Hope You Never Find This (Day 1)

Lachlan Macleod, 2010

I can't shout

Your communication
Disarms my aggravation
I want to be upset
But you speak
It goes away
As though I'm just glad we're still
On speaking terms

I hate myself
For being the weakness I saw in others

I hate being a slave
To my own sentimentality
The relief of my mood
Has been entrusted to you
Without my permission

I hate the thought
That your words might mean
Exactly what they say
It's too easy an answer
Simple to overcome
If there is not more to the story

I wish you could tell me
But I hate that I cannot ask

Despite your efforts to console
With promises of loves better than you
I can't choose my infatuations
Neither can you
It's decided
Yours lies elsewhere

I know as well as you
It doesn't go away
When they say it should

The worst is,
I can see myself
Buried in the assurance
That one day it might happen
Despite the best intentions of my mind
It is a naive hope-ridden deceiver

I can see
The patterns I follow
But I can't change them

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